


Dream State

by orphan_account



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Blood, Cursed Characters, M/M, Memory Related, Past Lives, Poly shit dude!, Polyamorous Character, There be a curse on our lovely cow chop boys, Trans Male Character, Trans! Trevor, Vomit, and may contain memories of smut, but rn this is just going to be a mature fic, idk what else to put so does a jig and plans fucking, mentioning things, this will eventually have smut, trans trevor is now my brand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:09:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Trevor has been having weird dreams lately, and it doesn't help that as of late, he's also been having terrible flashes of... things. And more and more, despite what he wants, they turn out to be memories. Of past lives, of things he's done... Of people he's loved. People that right now, he consider's his closest friends. Everything feels like they're going to shambles, and Trevor isn't sure what to make of it all... Can he piece together why this is all happening? ...And will his friends even believe him?





	1. Ink

The darkness was what scared him most. Trevor knew this was a dream, because it was always this dream. He tried to breath out but his throat was closed, eyes too heavy to open. He wanted to reach out, but something was holding him back, the same heavy, suffocating feeling.     
  


Trevor couldn’t help but try to scream. There was no sound. He hated this, this floating, frightening feeling enveloping him.    
  


This time something changed.    
  


He tried again to open his eyes, and this time… they opened. This time he could see. This time he knew what was holding onto him.    
  


This time he screamed.    
  


He woke up.    
  


His apartment was quiet and frankly a little cold, and the… nightmare? Dream… Memory…? It was still making him shake. Maybe it was just the cold, but something felt like it was still stuck to him. Sticking to him even now.    
  


He needed coffee or something, he wasn’t sure. He shifted out of bed completely, pushing back his hair with a sigh. God, every inch of him felt disgusting. Coffee and a shower. Coffee, a shower, and something to eat. He felt fucking empty.  If he had a dick, it’d probably have shrunk so much it was inside him it was so cold - what the actual hell? He reached for a shirt, just one off the floor, and tried to remember where the thermostat was.    
  


He really wasn’t expecting it to say it was only seventy degrees, which by anyone’s standards wasn’t balls-chillingly cold. He was confused, sure, but brushed it off. What he couldn’t brush off was the gross feeling, even as he stripped and got under the mercifully hot shower. No matter how much he scrubbed, the sticky gross feeling stayed, and he knit his brows trying to wash it all off.    
  


He struggled, but finally gave up. At least now he felt warmer, changing into his outfit for the day before looking in the mirror.    
  


What he hadn’t expected was what he saw when he looked in the mirror, himself but… obviously different. Off. Wearing much different, bloodier clothes, face beaten and bruised. Trevor’s entire stomach lurched, and his vision faded. Before he knew it he was on the floor, breathing hard and skin slick with sweat.    
  


What the actual fuck?    
  


He was shaking when he finally got back up, letting the black spots fade from his vision, and he looked in the mirror again. Nothing, besides his own scared eyes looking back at him. He sucked in a breath, before breathing out deeply.    
  


Maybe he should just go to work, his mind mumbled to him, as he grabbed one of his bags and keys. A good old day at the warehouse would serve his mind well. It was better than festering over this nightmare. It was just affecting his mind a little, that was all. He was…. Fine.    
  


It wasn’t a long drive compared to other days, and he played his music extra loud just so he could drown out all his doubts and fears like usual. It didn’t take long to get to work, and a warmth spread over him. It was just where he worked, but his friends were always there for him. He wouldn’t dream of telling them what happened overnight, but there was always comfort found in just their company.   
  


Trevor already knew he’d feel better when the first think he smelled when he got in was the fire extinguisher. He didn’t want to know what it was that happened, but he knew what it was like around here. He’d end up hearing about it anyway.    
  


Almost as soon as he made it to his space James and Brett came out of the bathroom, each with very different looks on their faces. James was laughing, hard, the same bright smile and visible crinkle to his eyes. He was holding the fire extinguisher, looking ready to use it more if need be.    
  


Brett, on the other hand, looked pissed. He was holding a sopping wet hat and looked ready to kill. A pang struck Trevor, but of what, he couldn’t name. Seeing Brett like this… it made the little spots in his vision come back. He sat down, wincing and covering his eyes. Aleks was just passing, holding a cup of steaming coffee.   
  


“Dude, you okay?” he asked, stopping to look Trevor up and down. Trevor jerked a bit in surprise. Aleks had some mysterious Russian power to know when something actually was up with people, and in moments like this he wished his friend didn’t.    
  


“I don’t know, man, my vision’s getting a little spotty,” he said, grabbing a water bottle from the little cabinet at his desk. As if he’d let the food he wants to eat anywhere near the kitchen. He took a sip, trying to see if that would help. “But I mean, I’ve been worse.”    
  


“Wait, spotty like… losing sight, or when you hit your head real hard and you can’t see for shit?” Aleks asked, leaning against Trevor’s desk. Aleks was always the most concerned, even if he didn’t necessarily show it. It did admittedly calm Trevor down a tad.   
  


“Hitting your head. But I didn’t… I mean I fell in the bathroom today, but I just landed on my ass,” he replied, trying to ease Aleks’ worries a bit. It seemed to work; Aleks sighed and stood up straight. He took off his sunglasses and clasped them to his shirt collar, and looked over Trevor with a keen eye.    
  


“You get any worse, tell someone. Best bet is Brett, he’ll probably let you go home. And eat something, that might help…” Aleks was like a mother, but with less children and more of a need to light things on fire. Trevor nodded, and Aleks nodded back, finally going back to his own desk.     
  


Trevor spent a while working on editing. It wasn’t much, and it didn’t take long before he was called over to film as Asher took over some of his own editing. It was the usual, weird gifts and bad choices and so much overreacting. Sometimes it was hard not to laugh, but he held himself back, watching his friends with fondness. James and Aleks played off of each other so well, both responding well to what the other did; it made these bits so much more fun. It wasn’t till his stomach knotted and he felt sick did his attention turn away from them.    
  


Again,  _ again _ he had a flash, and this time there was more to it. James and Aleks in his ears… he couldn’t tell what they were saying but his face grew hot, and he let out a noise. 

 

Suddenly he was on the ground, the others standing around him, all worried in their own way. Aleks was patting his leg, the same look as earlier but even more intense. James tried to laugh it off but his eyes showed just how scared he was. Brett was taking control of the situation, making them all stand back, give him some space.    
  


It was comforting despite the pain in his stomach and the fading vision. But the pain was getting to be a little too much, and he decided he needed to roll over. The sound of retching and evacuating his stomach of it's content filled the warehouse. He had a feeling this wasn’t going to be the last time he puked.    
  


Or the last time he’d get flashes like these. Ever since this morning, things were getting weirder and weirder. While everyone else scrambled to help, to get things to clean, his mind was doing its own scrambling. This had never happened before, and it had only escalated since this morning, after he’d woken up and had that… thing happen in the bathroom. Maybe he did hit his head, maybe he had a concussion? But it didn’t explain the image in the mirror or how it… gave him the same feeling that it did now.    
  


Brett handed him water and paper towels, and Trevor could heard James starting to clean up the puke, and Trevor was simply thinking to himself. He opened the water, staring at it before he realized that the others were trying to talk to him.    
  


“What’s going on Trevor? You think you might need to go home?” Brett asked, leaning to look better into his eyes. Trevor just shrugged, taking tiny sips from the bottle. Aleks made a noise, looking at his phone.    
  


“You sure, man? Maybe we can take you to the hospital…” By the look on his face, Aleks was probably already looking up where the nearest one was. Trevor winced, feeling another shock.    
  


“No. No… I’ll be fine, maybe just… keep an eye on me or something? I’m gonna… go sit down and drink water for a minute.” Something in him didn’t like hospitals. Something that thought they were vile places, and Trevor knew it was wrong but… He listened anyway. It seemed the easier option. 

 

He stood up, and Brett was immediately moving closer. Trevor put out a hand to brace himself on his slightly smaller, much buffer friend. Why was Brett so… thick? It made him feel fuzzy hot and it confused him. That… that wasn’t a normal feeling he felt around Brett at all…    
  


Brett must have noticed the change in Trevor’s face, putting a hand on his back to steady his younger, much taller peer. He sighed, gently guiding the deeply thinking Trevor to the back and settling him down in his chair. Trevor kept thinking. And sipping water.    
  


Nothing happened for a while, actually. Everything seemed to go back to normal. Trevor had crackers and water pumped into him at every chance. He did feel better, relaxing in his own little corner for a while. Letting his mind just… wander. He allowed his mind to fill with what he thought were little fantasies stemming from what had happened this morning. Why would there be a bloodied him looking at himself in a mirror? He wasn’t sure, but his mind gave him reasons, ideas, little things to calm him down.    
  


And it made an elaborate story…    
  


It made Fake Chop. 


	2. Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor has a better day... compared to the last one, at least.

Time passed.  


Well, not that much time, actually; Trevor daydreamed all day and kept himself calm, and Brett drove him home after a while. He didn’t talk much, or really do anything in the car ride but get a tad flustered everytime Brett asked him if he was feeling fine. He’d nod his head, and continue to stare out the window. He was lost in another world tonight.  
  
The night was wholly uneventful once he got home. Brett even walked him in, finding Advil and a water and setting it next to Trevor’s bed. Brett had never seen Trevor in this kind of state before, and it took some convincing to get him to leave. Brett refused until he knew Trevor was going to be safe and ‘Not die in his own puke while sleeping’. But Trevor convinced him after a bit, the man finally leaving after a bit, with soft goodbyes and worried looks. Brett being there made him all flustered and it confused him…  
  
He wasn’t one to get so strange around someone he knew, much less a coworker. Every now and then something in him whispered and wondered ‘ _Does he feel the same? What does Brett feel about me?_ ’. And that confused him only more.  
  
The only solution: Sleeping.  
  
That night he had no nightmare. But many… strange surreal feeling dreams. They felt more like memories, echoes.... All with different things, but they started changing and turning into something more gentle, with more feeling. It made him wake up with a jolt, bed… wet, skin hot and sticky. For a minute he thought he’d pissed himself but he lucked out there; That was a wet dream.  
  
About… Aleks…?  
  
Thankfully he couldn’t fully remember the dream, but it lingered on him for a bit, his face and _other_ things being warm and sticky, and honestly he didn’t really want to think about it. He checked the clock on his phone and groaned. Six in the fucking morning! But… He didn’t feel gross today. The lack of a heart attack inducing dream meant he at least started the day well enough. And it wasn’t cold! He let out a noise of relief, and decided to get breakfast with how early he was up. He quickly cleaned himself up and got dressed with ease, putting on that Adidas branding he oh so loved.  
  
Everything was easy so far, his mind free of flashes and blots of darkness. Maybe yesterday was a fluke? Just a bad day caused by a fall in the bathroom. It seemed as easy as that, and he did his usual. Well, as usual as he could at this early in the morning. But he opted now, to treat himself: He got McDonald’s breakfast. He decided to go ahead to the office, deciding to eat in the car until he was ready to come in. It didn’t take long for him to pull into the parking lot, basically empty at this hour.  
  
The calmness was back, as he sat and ate. Food felt good, and he felt good… despite the start of today, it was nothing like the previous. It felt good, felt… natural. He finished his meal and popped inside, sitting at his desk and getting started on the work he hadn’t finished. No one was really here yet, and that was a first…  
  
It was kind of nice, working with no distractions or worries for a little bit, just getting work done.  When Brett finally came in and looked at him surprised, it was rather… enjoyable actually.  
  
“Trevor? I thought you were going to be laid up in bed…” Brett said, holding all his items in his hands, as Trevor looked up and gave a small smile. “Not here and before me.”  
  
“Nah, woke up and felt better. I mean, funky dreams but other than that, pretty good feeling.” he said, as Brett came closer, obviously needing to give him a look over for a minute. His face was doing that things again, where it felt hot when the others were near him, making him swallow out of instinct.  “Maybe it was something I ate yesterday. Today I got McDonald’s instead.”  
  
Brett took that as a good enough answer, but something told Trevor that he was still dubious of whether or not Trevor was okay. And that was okay, it made him feel… better about himself. He was being worried about! It pleased some deep craving part him, and he went back to catching up on his work.  
  
Slowly, the rest trickled in, all having similar but varied reactions to his presence. The vain part of him enjoyed them being happy he was better, that they had any worry about him at all. Was that unhealthy? He wasn’t sure but it felt so nice to actually have people caring about him… it wasn’t like they didn’t before but... this felt different.  
  
He took a small break after a bit, grabbing something to snack on and scratch the back of his neck as he thought about the previous day. He enjoyed the vivid daydreams, if anything good came out of it. True, everything else confused and even scared him but… Something about escaping into that fantasy felt safe. It felt… homey. He even decided, as he sat back down and listened to Aleks and James mess with each other in the distance… maybe he’s write a bit of it down.  
  
But instead of instinctively opening up a doc on his computer, he pulled out a notebook from one of his drawers, and a pencil. This was to be more… personal, he thought. This was something for him.  
  
He started with… his start, where else?  
  
He scrunched his brows as he wrote, recalling the ideas yesterday of being a cameraman for a news station, young and plucky and bored… and he went from there. From humble beginnings to a… gang. Before long, he had several pages just describing himself, what it was like, everything. It was much more detailed than he thought he’d get, actually…  
  
He sighed after a bit from his hand cramping, before it was time for him to start the filming part of his job. His little accident yesterday had disturbed filming, and they decided it’d be easier to continue it today. He got his camera and scratched his neck again, thinking to himself about yesterday. It was… odd. The flashes and daydreams and… the nightmares. He mused to himself as he set up that, perhaps, it was all connected, but that didn’t make sense. How would it be connected? He shook off the thought, as he sat in his normal seat to film.  
  
“You’re not gonna pass out and vomit again, are you dude?” James said coming onto the set from the other side of him, a huge grin on his face as he plopped down on the couch in the same outfit as he’d worn for the video yesterday.  
  
“Not planning on it. If I do that again, Brett will have my ass,” Trevor said with a smirk, and James laughed. “Besides, I don’t feel sick today. Yesterday was some kind of freak accident. Maybe I have like, super powers now…”  
  
James laughed, and he turned his attention to behind Trevor. Trevor looked behind him. And it was Aleks. He was standing behind him, confused looking, and staring at Trevor.  
  
“Why do you look like there’s a fuckin’ ghost?” James asked, chuckling, as Aleks just raised a finger, and gaped for a moment.  
  
“Trevor did… you get a tattoo?” he asked, and Trevor made a face, scrunching his eyebrows.  
  
“No? What do you mean, is something on me?” Trevor asked, looking behind him and not seeing anything of course. He was confused, he didn’t have anything back there, and he wasn’t sure exactly what Aleks meant.  
  
“Dude, lemme just…” Aleks took out his phone, and put his hand on Trevor’s head and pushed it forward. Trevor felt warmth enter his cheeks, but didn’t say anything as he heard Aleks snap pictures on his phone, before letting go of his head and handing Trevor the phone.  
  
Trevor was honestly shocked at what he saw. On the back of his neck _was_ a tattoo. It was a kitchen knife, similar to the one Cow Chop used as a symbol in their logo, with a bull’s horn on either side. It was a cool tattoo but… This wasn’t right. He didn’t have this tattoo. Or _any_ for that matter? But this wasn’t some drawing or a fake one, it was clearly an _actual_ tattoo on his neck.  
  
“What the fuck?” Trevor said, visibly upset and confused. James and Aleks on instinct knew this was legit fear creeping over their younger companion, and both were inspecting the tattoo now.  
  
“I mean, it’s legit. And… Kind of old looking? You couldn’t have been hiding this from us…” Aleks said, touching it gently. Trevor didn’t fully notice Aleks pull his hand away like there was static, but he could feel it. This was… bizarre. And they all looked… nervous. This wasn’t normal. At all.  
  
Something was _really_ wrong with Trevor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's for reading guys, and again, feedback means everything to me! Lemme know what you guys think is goin on! And stay tuned for more!


	3. Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor tries to talk everything out, and just feels more and more scared and confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This is where the fic starts getting explicit! Turn back if you'd rather not read smut. But if you do than :3c

Trevor was stunned. And so were the others, even Brett coming out to inspect what was going on. This entire situation was making his heart beat out of his chest, and his mind blur. It was painful, the way his heart beat in his chest. It almost felt like he was going to die, but the whispers in his mind told him this wasn’t what dying even felt like. That only scared him more.  
  
No one else touched the tattoo yet, but everyone was looking at it. Being under so many eyes made him nervous, but the questions were so much worse. It was an onslaught after the appearance of the tattoo, and of course he was the center of it all.  
  
“How does a tattoo even show up? It wasn’t on you when I saw you this morning…” Aleks said, crouching over to look at it closer. “That’s a real tattoo, too, you can’t fake this level of work…”  
  
“Yeah, but I mean, how the fuck does that even work? Did it magically appear? Magic doesn’t fucking exist dude.” James said back, his eyes shining with fear that Trevor didn’t know how to feel about. “Right? I mean… it can’t. Maybe. Look, this is kind of freaking me out.”  
  
“You sure it’s not fake? Like if someone drew this on him and he just didn’t know until now? I mean, have you tried rubbing it off?” Brett said, before he went to rub at Trevor’s neck with his hand. He could feel that jolt again, but Brett didn’t pull his hand back, he only rubbed against his skin. When his hand finally left his neck, he made a noise. “God fucking-”  
  
Still there, Trevor assumed. His mind was searching for answers and coming up empty. The others babbled amongst themselves, Asher and Jakob trying their own hands at rubbing it off with different liquids, neither able to do it.  
  
Trevor noticed there was no jolt with them. Not like the others.  


“I knew my neck was itchy feeling every since my break.” Trevor said, finally speaking up and getting their attention. “It was just like something was irritating my neck, you know? I thought it was just a bug bite.”  
  
“Did anything else happen during the break?” Brett asked, crossing his arms gently, his brows knit tightly. Trevor shook his head, but thought for a minute. Nothing other than filling out the journal.  
  
“I drank, I ate. I mean, the only thing that changed was I wrote for a bit but...” He paused, before getting up. Ew, the back of his shirt was wet. But that didn’t matter, as the crowd around him parted as he went to his desk to get the notebook.  
  
“I mean, I… I wrote a lot of just ideas and stuff I had after my thing yesterday, and it’s a jumble…” He said, opening it up as he came back, just flipping through it. He’d actually filled a good chunk of it, mixed between writing and drawings. “I got kinda lost in like, daydreams? So I thought I’d write them down today.”  


“Dude did you do that all today?” Aleks asked, coming to look over his shoulder at all of it. It was a sizable chunk, and Aleks looked amazed by the contents. Trevor nodded, stopping a bit towards the middle.  
  
“Yeah, here I… I wrote something on tattoos, matching ones, but I didn’t go into detail…” Trevor said, looking at his scribbling, along with a little circle made of words under it. Those were just gibberish, something that’d come to mind randomly but… At this point he wasn’t sure if that was true. Not with how the day had been.

 

“It’s like… I don’t know. I don’t want to sound like one of those people in videos that should probably be on medicine and shit.” he said, looking down as Aleks took the notebook from him. As Aleks looked over it, Trevor moved his arms to grip himself gently. “I don’t want to be crazy.”  


Brett came over and put his hand on Trevor’s shoulder, squeezing it tight. Trevor looked up, eyebrows knit together as he looked at him.

 

“Trevor, how about you go home again. Maybe we can take a look at things but… You need rest, or something.” Brett had that worried tone, one that usually put Trevor at ease, but at the moment he was confused and scared.  


“But, Brett it’s… it’s…” He couldn’t seem to say it was his problem. Because his mind told him it wasn’t just his problem. He sighed, defeated. “Fine. If anything else happens I’ll call or write it down..”

 

“Good… We’ll do some stuff here. No work tomorrow, for any of us. You know one call and we’re there, right?” Brett said, never letting go of his shoulder.  Trevor nodded, somewhat… defeated feeling. But he obeyed his friend.  
  
It was a quiet ride home. He ignored texts, didn’t stop to eat. He just wanted to lay in bed, to find some comfort while his mind was spinning and his body felt strange.  
  
He fell asleep, cold and confused. He didn’t know what to expect in tonight’s dream.

  
  
Rocking.  
  
That was what caught his attention first. The rocking motion, which flushed his cheeks, despite how fuzzy his mind was as this started. This… memory. It wasn’t a dream, or at least… what he was dreaming was something that happened. It confused him, but what happening wasn’t: He was being fucked.  _Hard._  
  
He let out soft noises, getting his bearings. This was the clearest one yet. The warmth and fullness of his cunt, the arms wrapped around him, _strong_  arms. He was sitting in their lap, whoever they were, and he didn’t see a face. But what he did see, was a tattoo, the same one that appeared on his neck. But the memory didn’t let him focus, as a particularly hard thrust sent his mind absolutely spinning. He let out a moan, and his companion chuckled. He… he knew that laugh.  
  
It was Brett. It was Brett holding him close. It was Brett fucking his cunt, making his back arch and his mind go blank. And he couldn’t have been happier, in this memory. He was so overwhelmed by the feeling in fact. He was so happy that Brett loved him, that Brett was here with him and for the life of him, he didn’t know why. He felt so many surging emotions with this memory. It felt… like he was somewhat whole again.  
  
Whole enough to bite down on Brett’s shoulder, wanting to leave marks all over his lover. His lover… what a comforting thought. Lover was such an interesting word and it made Trevor feel warm and fuzzy as they fucked like absolute animals. Trevor pushed Brett back to where he was on his back, and he actually… didn’t feel embarrassed looking at his friend like this. Brett was so gorgeous. He was thick, so thick and covered in hair and his face was perfect and _he_ was perfect. He rode his friend with renewed vigor as he leaning in to kiss him, the warmth of Brett’s lips sending shivers down his spine.  
  
"Wait till the boys see this..." Brett said, voice soft and drawn out. "They'll want their own private showing."  
  
"We better start practicing then." Trevor heard himself say, could feel the smirk on his face and the flutter in his heart at putting on a show for  _his_ boys.  
  
This felt so right, so fucking right and…. It hurt. It hurt him. Why didn’t he have this anymore?  
  
He… he wanted this again, the affection and love and… and…  
  
He woke up. He woke up and he was crying. Everything hurt now, and he grasped at the back of his neck. Everything was changed now. But it wasn’t like this was something he could talk about to anyone. He needed someone he could trust.  
  
He’d slept until noon today, but he felt like he’d woken up so much later. So he pulled on his clothes, and grabbed his keys.  
  
He was going to Alek’s house.  
  
He needed someone he could trust.


	4. Beams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor needs Aleks help. Aleks has a lot more than help, he realizes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was a doof uploading this 
> 
> but it's short and sweet, and kinda a fave?

Trevor didn’t waste his time getting there. Or getting to the door, apparently. Every step he made since waking up was calculated for whatever meant he’d get here the fastest. Every thought was how he needed to talk to Aleks, that he was the one he needed to go to.  
  
It felt like something that would never get old.  
  
When he paused at Aleks door, however, he stopped cold. His mind, his heart, _everything._ Something reminded him it wasn’t the same. And he wanted to scream back _‘What_ wasn’t the same?’. What was keeping him from this?  
  
Nothing, he finally decided, knocking gently. He heard noise inside, rustling and something heavy being put onto a table. He paid no mind, of course, he just focused on the rush of feet and the sound of Mishka barking in excitement. What good sounds…  
  
Aleks opened the door slightly, before opening wider at the sight of his friend. Aleks looked… tired. But Trevor did too, as he gave a little wave.  
  
“Hey I uh… I needed to talk to someone. Like, in person.” Trevor said, just getting to the point. Aleks nodded, looking around his apartment for a moment, before opening the door fully.  
  
“Come on in man, it’s… a mess, but you probably know that.” Aleks said, as Trevor came inside and closed the door behind him. “Just sit anywhere you want.”  
  
It was not a mess. It was just as clean as Aleks always kept it. The only thing that was different was the gun currently sitting on the coffee table. It was sticking out like a sore thumb and Trevor was staring at it. Since when did Aleks have a gun? Maybe it was a pellet gun, he so innocently thought as he tried to pick it up while Aleks was in the kitchen and-  
  
No. No that’s real. The weight wasn’t just something plastic, this was real. It was too familiar a feeling, honestly.  Aleks turning and making an ungodly noise wasn’t familiar, as Trevor look to him wide eyed.  
  
“That’s fake. It’s not real. I’m holding it for a friend.” Aleks said, coming over quick, wiping his hands of whatever he’d been doing. He reached for the gun, but Trevor jerked it away, on instinct grabbing Alek’s arm.  
  
“Those are the worst fucking lies I’ve ever heard.” He said, as they both were still and silent for a moment. Aleks looked scared and… defensive. And Trevor just looked back with concern and…. Knowing. Something was up with Aleks.  And with twisting his arm a tad he knew why.  
  
The tattoo that adorned his right hand was the one that also on Trevor’s neck. He set the gun down, and let go of Alek’s hand.

  
“You too?”  
  
The look he got from Aleks said it all. The nod helped too but, the forlorn sadness and lost look in his eyes was pretty much what he assumed what everyone else was seeing in his own face.  
  
“It… I mean, is… Is this what it’s like in your head right now?” Aleks asked as he sat next to Trevor, never looking up from the ground. “Everything feels off and you just-”  
  
“Wish it were how it’s supposed to be?” Trevor said. Aleks’ head popped up, and Trevor nodded. “Yeah. That’s it exactly.”  
  
“Well that’s fucking bullshit. It’s not fair! Like, what the fuck is it supposed to be like in the first place? I keep getting these fucking… glances? Of something and I _want_ it. I _want_ it Trevor.” He seemed like he was going to add more, but looked down again, cheeks red and hands clenched in frustration.  
  
Trevor went to gently squeeze Aleks’ arm, a soft look on his face. Aleks looked up at him again, hand moving to touch his. This was, for a lack of better words, a touching moment.  
  
“I don’t know if this is going to get better or worse. But I know it’s at least easier to vent about when there’s me and you, right?” Trevor said, and Aleks chuckled. “I mean I came here to talk about my weird shit. Now we can exchange it.”  
  
“You start so I don’t feel weird.” Aleks said, and Trevor laughed, before rubbing the back of his neck. This didn’t feel as awkward are he thought it’d be… it felt casual. _Normal_ .  
  
“Well… I had a… a _memory_ last night of. Well, uh… Brett fucking me.” He said, trying to actually get the formed thought out of his mouth. As comfortable as he was, he was still an awkward fuck. And when Aleks sputtered and turned red, he laughed softly, feeling his own face heat up.  
  
“Dude, no, really?” Aleks said, looking flabbergasted at this information. Not grossed out or terrified. Just shocked. Trevor nodded, smiling at how _cute_ Aleks looked when surprised. Fuzzy butterflies in his stomach oh god. Fuck off butterflies. “Like was it good? Like, was his dick big?”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“Holy shit. Nice.”  
  
They sat for a minute, giggling as they slowly leaned against each other. It was a good moment, in all honesty. Aleks always calmed him down. No matter what, Aleks was good to him…  
  
“So, it’s your turn! You gotta spill too dude.” Trevor said, and Aleks made a nervous little noise, flushing bright red again.  
  
“I mean… “ Aleks paused, but looked at Trevor with softened eyes. “It’s… hard to explain. I mean I do have an idea but, you gotta be cool ok?”  
  
Trevor raised a brow at this, but nodded. He didn’t know what Alek was doing until his hand was on his cheek. And his face was getting really close. And they were kissing.  
  
_They were kissing._ He was shocked but the electricity and warmth at the connection of their lips was beyond phenomenal. It wasn’t even the best of kisses, if he was going to be honest. It was soft, simple. But it was filled with so much that when they parted he gave the softest whine. He could see the moment he opened his eyes that Aleks was smiling softly, and not some smirk but… Yeah. Yeah he got it.  
  
“Was I that good?” Aleks said, finally joking around and Trevor had his turn to go pink. “I mean, the moan was _pretty_ cute.” Trevor jokingly nudged him, smiling soft but nodded anyway.  
  
“Yeah I mean, it was basic but,” He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. “I liked it.” Aleks grinned, before scooting closer to him, to where their thighs touched and Trevor could lean against him.  
  
“So what are we gonna do?” Aleks asked after a second. Trevor thought for a moment. What _would_ they do? It wasn’t like they could be the same after all this, that was for sure. He leaned more against Aleks, who instinctively wrapped his arm around the larger man’s shoulders.  
  
“Go back. To being what we were before,” Trevor said finally. Aleks stalled for a moment, but kept in this position. “not before the kiss. Before… Now. Whatever that means. I want whatever that was again.”  
  
It was quiet in the apartment. Mishka was asleep somewhere, and the eerie silence would have been deafening for Trevor if not for Alek’s gentle touch.  
  
And then Aleks finally spoke.  
  
“I think I can do that…” Aleks said, breaking the silence, and making whatever tension Trevor had melt away immediately.he felt such genuine warmth in his chest, he might actually cry. But no crying when there were still questions left unanswered.  
  
“One more thing…” Trevor started, and Aleks perked up.  
  
“Yeah?” He said, as Trevor shifted to look at him easier. Aleks wasn’t sure what was coming, honestly.  
  
“Where the fuck did you get a gun?”  
  
The laughter Trevor got in return only made the night feel warmer.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really love feedback on this, this is my first chaptered story in a long time and any help would be a blessing y'all. I want this shit to get gay af so get ready


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